I don’t think so. It depends - we all follow both.
What does it even mean to follow your “head” (rational thinking) or “heart” (emotions)? After all, they are not completely separate entities but are connected. Besides, emotions don't arise solely from the heart (but symbolically, they do), and are affected by your state of mind (your head), your lifestyle, genetics, environment, and all kinds of hormones secreted from all around your body.
My short answer to this question is (TLDR-style):
→ This makes the heart unreliable.
→ This makes the head reliable.
But, “reliable” when it comes to what? Logical thinking and emotions are two different things, although connected. When it comes to making rational, objective decisions - of course the head is more reliable. When it comes to love, desires, and enjoying the moment, you tend to go with the heart.
I am no expert in this matter, nor any matter for that fact, but merely speak from my own, personal experiences and interests. But do feel free to bring your own perspective and stories, I enjoy the nuance.
I personally follow my head far more than my heart, because I dearly hope it will lead me right when it pushes me toward the “better in the long run”-goals. It often takes me a lot of contemplation and hesitation before I can listen to reason, because I cannot ignore the pull of my emotions. But in the end, I tend to fall in line with my head.
A problem of mine is also that I don’t trust or understand my intuition, because I don’t know what it’s telling me, which makes it seem less reliable. I’m also aware that emotions are biased, causing one to ignore facts and misjudge situations - which I try to avoid. I keep being tugged between the “what ifs,” making decision-taking difficult, and often end up stun-locked. I’m sure gut instincts can lead to the right decisions, and can catch real signals that your mind misses and cannot explain. But my overactive brain often gets tangled somewhere in the middle and messes up those intuitive signals, making me misinterpret them.
Right now, I’m battling between my heart and head about a big decision: to leave my current job (fast food - worked nearly a year) for a temporary job abroad. I’ve been on edge about it, because it’s a huge leap for someone as anxious and home-bound as me.
Of course, I got the job, and I took it.
At first, I was excited for the opportunity. However, I love the current comfortable situation and am attached to the familiarity of it all. The idea of tossing everything I know and like out the window is terrifying. There’s safety here, but none where I’m going. I will be leaving my bed, my furniture, my room, my home, my family, my friends, my coworkers, my job (and get to do a completely new and unfamiliar job), my hometown, my city, my country, my language, my food, my grocery stores and boutiques - everything is left behind and my heart screams, “FOR WHAT?”
I’m going to a place I’ve never been to, people I’ve never met, a country I’ve never set foot in, to a “home” I haven’t seen yet, to coworkers I’m not sure I’ll connect with, for a job I might hate. All of this, alone. Nothing and nobody to bring me comfort.
“Stay, please - dear God - stay.” It wants me to remain with the people who accept and appreciate me (and I really like them too) - for once I actually feel like I belong somewhere, and I am now giving that up? I’m used to the routine - it’s familiar, easy, and I’m good at it. The workplace itself is conveniently located, and there is room for growth in my role. I’ve gained self-esteem here, gained a sense of self-worth and a positive outlook on my future. Now, all of that is crashing down and I find myself back at the bottom.
Sometimes I ask myself if my emotions led me to apply to the job on impulse - a sudden craving for adventure and something new - and the horrific consequences only come afterwards, like a terrible hangover.
My heart is not just scared of leaving the comfortable, but fears the new job. All of the “what if”s haunt me - the catastrophic thinking of a terrible future at that other workplace, in contrast to the glorification of my current one. I fear leaving behind the peaceful, stable life I’ve built.
It sees the possibilities that an abroad job could bring. My current job isn’t perfect: low wages, sometimes very stressful, limited room for growth, and a few people are unpleasant (customers and co-workers). It doesn’t feel meaningful either: doing the dishes, delivering food, cleaning. You do the same things over and over again, day after day - on loop. I’ve told myself to not get stuck here, because I know I’m capable of more and know that I deserve more. There’s much to like here, but I can do better. This is not where I want to be when I’m 30 (3 years away!), so I tell myself to get a move on and search elsewhere. But there are few jobs to get in the city, since the competition is huge and they demand prior experiences (that I lack). So I threw in a wild-card to work someplace far away - and I got it.
This future job offers so many more possibilities for personal growth that I wouldn’t get at my current place. Sure, this new job is supposed to be tougher, but I gain new work experiences that I can learn from and then write into my CV, which will make it easier getting a job once I return home. I will meet new people and get new friends (maybe best friends!), I will earn more (and can use that money to go on a vacation later), I will live alone and have to become more independent (practice my cooking skills). I'll face my fears and anxieties by doing this and prove to myself that I am stronger than I think. I will also be scratching that itch that wants me to explore the world and be a little adventurous. And imagine all the confidence I gain from this, and what a memorable experience it will be.
As I accepted the job offer, my whole world flipped upside-down. At first, I was excited. Then came the overwhelming panic - am I destroying everything good I have for nothing? The fear hits hard, and I’m grieving the loss of my current life, crying myself to sleep some nights, my confidence at an all-time low. I want to stay in the safety of home, instead of taking this massive risk for something unknown. I often ask myself, “WHY THE FUCK?” Have I pushed myself too far? I followed my head, and in doing so, broke my heart.
I inwardly sob, only wanting a stable and calm life, not the chaos I’m throwing myself into (but that only occurred to me after-the-fact). My reasoning tells me this is the path to go for a better future, whereas my emotions battle with the torturous pain this decision brings me.
Yet, they’re not so different after all. My heart was in this decision, too. I recall applying to the job with a desire to do so. It wasn’t just a logical step where I only did it for personal growth; I yearned for it and was genuinely excited. It felt like a small dream coming true. But emotions swing wildly; once that dream became reality, my heart did a 180-turn and didn’t want to touch it anymore.
I am going. I have resigned. The more people I tell about it, the more real it becomes that I am quitting my job and I am going to this new one. People also encourage me to go, which helps. The more I share it with others, the easier it is to handle, as if I’m slowly peeling my sticky self away from the job, little by little. It’s a grieving process, and it will take time. My world-view has changed, and that is uncomfortable, but it’s getting better as I’m getting used to it.
I tell myself that I want a good future (taking the job), not just an alright one (staying at my current job). Even if it feels like my world is ending, time does make things easier. Such a big shift in life is bound to affect you - you spiral in negativity and worry for a few weeks, before you get used to the idea of uprooting yourself. Slow changes make you more prepared and calm, and even replaces some of that worry with anticipation.
I am not losing everything. The job is temporary - I will return. I am also not all alone. I can call my parents and friends, and talk to coworkers over Discord. I will get to know new friends - some of whom I’m sure are just as nervous and scared as I am to be there and will jump at the opportunity to make friends and find some comfort.
Both. I clearly applied to the job out of my heart’s desire and my future’s potential. Then I panicked. But in the end, I am sticking with my head - I have to see the bigger picture. No matter how fucking hard it is, I will do it. You can only be brave when you are scared. And I think I will only flourish bigger and brighter thanks to this “little” adventure, in the end.
I've already mentioned how bad I am at understanding my gut-feeling. We’re often told to trust them because they can guide and protect us. So, when my heart screams in panic, begging me to stay at home, doesn’t that mean I should listen?
Not necessarily.
I've asked myself this question before, especially when I was in a tricky relationship. Was the discomfort I felt a gut-feeling telling me to leave, or just general anxiety (because I struggle getting into relationships overall, and am an anxious person)? The answer I got is important to remember (although it’s not always straightforward):
So, which one applies to me in this situation? I started out excited, then suddenly felt horrible about it. But between moments of panic, I've had moments of calm and anticipation. That's a rollercoaster of emotions, not a constant, underlying feeling of wrong. That is not my gut-feeling telling me to back off, that is my neurotic wiring being terrified of the unknown. That is anxiety.
With that said: Yes, push your limits and grow as a person. Yes, try new things, be brave and overcome your fears, gain new perspectives. But if too much discomfort causes more suffering than you can endure, it’s okay to back out (I am just at my limit of what I can handle). Don’t be rash and hurt yourself - you don’t need to go to extremes to get a result (like I am). Instead, start off by doing something small out of your comfort zone.
Hah, absolutely not. I will point out that it's not just my heart that’s on a rollercoaster here - my head is far from steady and calm. Although my brain can cut through the clouds of anxiety and sees the potential in this job, it’s been working overtime, overanalyzing every possible scenario and trying to predict future outcomes like crazy. This spirals into catastrophizing and even more panic, questioning if all the benefits are worth the potential risks.
The danger of trusting the head too much is that its “logic” isn't always logical. What do I mean by that? The mind exaggerates because it builds scenarios - not on facts or experiences, but on beliefs and predictions about the future. But nobody is a fortune teller; nobody knows what will happen tomorrow - neither can you. Yet, your brain worries about what will happen next week, making it feel like these imagined outcomes are certain to happen. How could they possibly be? They haven't happened yet - that’s fear speaking. When the day finally arrives that you feared, it’s often not nearly as bad as you expected, and you realize all that worry was in vain.
With that said, overall, logic tends to stay more consistent than emotions, coming back to the same point over and over again: Yes, the risk for the future is worth it. After evaluating everything, it calms down. Meanwhile, my feelings are all over the place about the loss of the comfortable present moment. Both can be in turmoil, but for different reasons.
As those famous quotes out there say: you can only be brave when you are afraid, because courage is to face your fears.